Nov 8, 2023 6 min read

Nov 8 '23 - 2 Years Sober

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Too Long Didn't Read (TLDR)

- Nov 8th '21 is my sobriety date so I have 2 full years sober. Ironically it's also the date my brother passed away from an alcohol related incident. The day changed my life then and again in 2021 so it's always full of reflection and thought.

- 2 years w/o alcohol has wildly changed my life. The scariest thing I've ever done was remove the crutch I believed was my only escape or relief. I've gained more in 2 years than any other period of my life personally, professionally and financially.

- If you're struggling I'm here to help. We're all just a bunch of flesh bags carrying around childhood trauma and trying to find peace, love, contentment. Everyone has their crutch, vice, addiction, etc. some more harmful than others. Removing them can be scary but on the other side there is so much to learn. Reach out to me directly if I can help or offer advice.

- Thank you to those who stayed down & had patience. My mom, my sister, my friends & colleagues especially Erik, Paul and Geoff. The non-judgmental perspective has made all the difference for me over the years.

"El Alcohólico"

I earned the nickname "El alcohólico" from my barber, s/o to Diego. It means the alcoholic...and yes...technically as hard as it is to say sometimes, I'm a recovering alcoholic.

But not the type that drinks daily and beats the dog (or wife) at 10am every day after a handle of whiskey. I was a low frequency, high intensity drinker and it lines up perfectly with my personality style.

If you want to get more context, check out these articles I wrote in the past.

Nov 08 1998

I want to reflect briefly on this day and how it changed my life. While it's a painful memory it helps bring perspective to the importance of what this day means for me now so many years later.

Halloween 1998 I had both of my brothers home at our small house in Port Jervis, NY. Halloween fell on a Saturday and I had just played in a Pop Warner All Star Football game that morning.

We'd just gotten a German Shepherd puppy named Tasha. Energy was high for many reasons and we were anticipating having my brother Steven come back for Thanksgiving and move upstate from New Jersey to get his life going closer to us.

I remember Halloween day vividly from the football game (catching 2 touchdown passes) to Tasha breaking her leg in our kitchen after my brother threw the chew toy high in the air and she leaped for it.

Halloween 1998 was the last day I ever saw my brother Steven alive.

On the morning of Nov 08 I woke up to the screams and howling cries of my mother. I ran down the stairs and tried to get into the kitchen where she was curled up in a ball on the floor and my grandmother was blocking the entrance.

Even though I played football and she was 78 years old at the time the old bird was strong and I couldn't get by her.

She said, "Adam, your brother Steven has been hit by a train".

I said, "Will Steve be ok?"

She didn't say anything because she didn't have to.

I knew things would never be the same on many levels. We were fundamentally changed. Mom, to be fair, has never been the same.

At 9 years old a few things became clear:

Life is fleeting and can end in an instant;
People may leave you before they (or you) are ready;
Pain is a powerful shaper – it gives you two paths: succumb to it or wield it;
I never want(ed) to see my mom suffer again;
Drinking alcohol = risking putting my family through pain.

2 Years Without Alcohol

Fast forwarding from 11/08/1998 to 11/08/2023...

I reflect back on my first drink on Christmas 2007 and it's hard to say what drove that choice or why the pain & resolve from Nov 08 1998 wore off. It's something I'll continue to ponder and process.

But rather than reflect on my drinking career I'll focus on the continued themes and ideas that come up for me after 2 years of sobriety.

1) Everyone has a vice (read: dependency)

Some are healthier than others – obsession with work, money, fitness, nutrition, etc. Others like drugs & alcohol...not so much.

Irrespective of the crutch, it's a way to distract ourselves and escape into a reality that is better than our own. A key driver for my drinking was to escape pain, unprocessed emotion, find deeper connection and some level of relief.

Alcohol was my crutch. And while I admittedly have more vices this was the big one. The reality is I was so scared to remove it. And that's elephant in the room...

When you recognize you are dependent on X (substance, person, feeling, etc.) it should set off alarm bells. A dependency is, in most cases, not natural and you should work to fix it.

I'm not a doctor, but, consider jumping off the deep end and operating without it.

2) Sobriety > Therapy

Over the years I spent a lot of time and money in therapy. It reminded me of executive coaches...they all run the same playbooks even if they have a different methodology. One does "internal family systems" another does "needs analysis".

Therapy is a protected container and while I'm a huge fan of it and will continue with it as needed throughout my life I think there is something to be said for putting yourself sober into situations you'd otherwise not be whether it's networking & happy hours, dating, family events, bars & clubs, etc.

You find out, very quickly, the places (where) and people (who) you want to be around. And while that seems very, very simple...it forces and requires a lot of deep reflection to look at the reasons why you love or hate those situations.

3) A Lot Can Change in X (X time period)

I'm a sucker for motivational quotes, speakers, etc.

Pull up your favorite motivational person on Instagram and you'll hear something about how a lot can change in X...and it's true.

Personally, professionally, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc. I can say that getting sober has literally changed my life.

Sobriety forced me to, quickly, be more at peace with who I am. And that didn't mean to stop striving or shut down the complicated parts of me. It made me understand, fundamentally, that so much of what drives me is also what kills me, holds me back, keeps me laser focused, ambitious, hard to deal with, etc.

But the biggest thing sobriety and that peace did for me was allowed me to seek a serious and committed relationship. I feel incredibly lucky to have met someone who has in many ways already changed my life. I would have never been the person I am today, and ready for what we have, if it wasn't for getting sober.

4) A Long Detour

I was always supposed to be this version of me. Looking back, I think my "drinking career" was just a long, windy, bumpy detour through some shitty place like West Virginia...respectfully.

From a young age my mom described me as demanding, relentless and someone who wouldn't quit. Even with alcohol in my life that was me. But sober Adam was and is so much more consistent, reliable and level-headed.

Alcohol created baggage for me. And early on I decided, irrationally, that I was meant for more...capable of more...and not willing to compromise on that. So every day without alcohol feels like I'm barreling down the right path.

Thank You + Here to Help

In the past I've spent a lot of time apologizing to people and not enough time thanking them.

I can't thank my mom, sister and key friends like Erik, Paul and Geoff enough for helping me see the bigger picture and support in non-judgmental way.

If anyone is struggling drop me a line, I'm here to help.

On to year 3...

-Ai