E-dub used to always say: it's simple, if you want to build esteem, especially after the regret/shame that comes with substance abuse, you have to do esteemable things. Do esteemable things, become esteemable.

I'm fortunate most of the pain from my drinking landed on my shoulders. I never caused serious harm to anyone. But over the course of 13 years I did a lot of things that were not in my character and were embarrassing to not just me but my family, friends and colleagues/business partners.

That shit adds up.

I still remember Nov 7 2021 - my saint of a mother picked me up from the train station after my last turn up in NYC. I'd already been living in Miami and she was excited to see me. But, like many times before, she knew I was hungover and I knew I let her down for the last time.

In year 1 of sobriety I have way more actions I'm proud of than regret. I've treated people better; been more present; soaked in more experiences traveling, at special events like weddings, etc. instead of getting lit.

Geoff said this a number of times over the years. The ability to move sober in situations or rooms typically involving alcohol is a super-power. You don't need an altered state to be present & tapped in - you've been conditioned to.

Now if you're like me you quickly find the challenge is: alcohol provided temporary and false relief from anxiety, a boost in confidence and mood, etc. Without it you go, oh shit, this is hard and not as fun. At first...

Removing alcohol from the equation shines light on voids like anxiety, lack of confidence, etc. Like anything else if you push through short-term pain and tearing of muscle fiber you start to develop more strength in self.

It takes time and I'm still working on it.

The sword of sobriety is about more than just being present with reliance on a substance – it means you:

• Make better choices.
• Act within your true self.
• Wake up feeling like a bag of money, not dog piss.
• Enjoy more consistent mental health / stability.
• Sleep like a baby.
• etc etc etc

All of this compounds into more productive time & energy toward your goals and the things that matter.

Somehow my priorities always slanted toward career and learning. Outside of those commitments I wanted to party, drink and escape. As time went on I was spending more time with lower companions than my solid friends.

A lower companion is – for simplicity – someone who shares an interest in the behavior bringing you (and them) down. The friendship is grounded around that behavior – partying & drinking – to hold it together.

Getting sober will help you clarify and separate true friends from lower companions. Sometimes, a true friend is someone who simply expects more out of you personally, professionally, etc. Seek them out.

Even when I was still in NYC and drinking fairly frequently my style was to work insanely hard then party hard 1-2x a month. Frequency, as I've mentioned, went down over time and intensity went up.

But I realized most folks and some of my friends may have not partied with the same intensity but the frequency was much higher. They didn't have the same goals I have / had at the time.

Growing up and into college my identity was built around sports. Especially football, which I credit with raising me to a large degree. But after college, I shed it. I was a knowledge athlete now and the competition was steep. Many of my friends lacked ambition and spent most of their Sundays watching football. I don't watch sports anymore, aside from attending a few live events each year. I remember hearing a lot of nonsense like this...

"Missing Football Sunday? Dawg, Sunday is for beers, wings and football."

My preference is to surround myself with people of high character & values that care about balance in the sense that life is a marathon – but don't shit their pants when you work at least a few hours every weekend.

I'm a proud momma's boy (don't hate: the toughest people I know love & protect their mother fiercely). I scared the hell out of my mom given our family history (losing my brother) with alcohol. Too many nights wondering if I'd get in a fight, make it home, etc. Wish I never put you through the stress. But you never turned your back on me and always supported – even when I needed a kick in the ass. That's love.

We've had some classic benders together in NYC, Denver, etc. Remember when we almost killed Mike? Having you to chat about our shared experience as siblings is irreplaceable. I could always fill you in on my partying stories and I know it worried the hell out of you but it helped me realize how serious it was. Love ya.

Two days before your wedding I drafted this. We've been ridin' & collidin' for almost 2 decades. It's an honor to be in your wedding and I couldn't be more proud of your journey to date. 8 years sober is special and there was a time where we didn't think you'd be alive. From going to an AA meeting with you back in 2017 to today you were always a non-judgmental sounding board. The no-pressure support was huge for me.

Thanks for raising the fuck*** bar over the years. Setting examples I look up to and admire. It forced me to level up.

Given how serious we took running Archive you could have easily leaned into negativity about my drinking. Instead, you had my back and chose positivity & support.

Paul - quite a few instances where you pulled me out of E11even, ran into me boiled-drunk on Polk Street or got voicemails from Juan at y8 about my state of consciousness. 

Geoff - after the incident at Y8 we had a Sunday investor meeting with Jake Paul. I was brutally hung over. You told me it wasn't a big deal, just glad my health was intact and got me hopped up on ketones before the meeting.

Respect, fellas.